


FML

by jujubiest



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-31
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2018-02-11 05:31:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2055537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jujubiest/pseuds/jujubiest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Today, I kissed a guy for the first time.</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Cute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today, I kissed a guy for the first time.

_Today, I kissed a guy for the first time. The thing is, we just became stepbrothers a few weeks ago. And he used to have a crush on me. And I kinda rejected him then. FML_

* * *

 

Finn stared at the computer screen. He deleted the two short lines of text, wishing it were that easy to delete what had happened.

Finn kissed Kurt.

No, really. He _kissed_  Kurt. Not like a brotherly-but-still-weird-and-awkward smack on the cheek, and not like a drunken we'll-never-speak-of-this-again-because-it-was-the-Jäger-talking kiss, either. He'd been sitting on his side of the room doing homework, and Kurt had been sitting cross legged on his bed, on his side of the room. He was humming quietly in his high, clear voice and flipping through a magazine, looking unusually casual—and also unusually small and delicate—in a t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants he'd borrowed from Finn because all of his were at the dry cleaners. And Finn remembered thinking that ' _Who dry cleans their pajamas?'_ would have been a perfectly acceptable thought, and that ' _Wow, he looks so cute in my clothes'_ was not. And then Kurt had caught him staring.

Kurt quirked a smile at him, that snarky one-sided grin that wasn't a full-on bitch face, but something more genuine that he reserved for friends and family. Finn's heart skipped a beat and he wondered why.

"Something on my face, Finn?"

"Uhh…no? Could you…could you hum a little quieter is all? I'm having trouble with this math problem and it's distracting."

"Oh," Kurt said, instantly serious and concerned. He got up and walked across the room, the sleeves of Finn's flannel shirt falling right over his hands so that just the tips of his fingers were showing, barely. The neckline was too wide as well, even if Kurt hadn't forgotten to button the top button, which he had. It showed rather a bit more of Kurt's shoulders and collarbones than Finn was used to seeing; he was usually very covered up, even in the spring, and Finn had never seen him during the summer. He wondered idly if Kurt liked to run shirtless through the sprinklers— _woah, stop right there! I mean…brotherly thought. That was brotherly. I was thinking it'd be fun to have someone to hang out with this summer, and that's what I do, so yeah…that. Brotherly._

Finn realized he was staring again when Kurt cleared his throat a little awkwardly. Finn jerked his eyes up to meet Kurt's, and saw a weird mix of self-consciousness and worry.

"Finn? Seriously, is something wrong? You're acting a little spaced out, even for you."

"Uhh…I'm fine. Just…the math. It's hard."

"Oh," said Kurt, not sounding entirely convinced. He shrugged. "Well, scoot over and let me see, maybe I can help. It's not my best subject, but..."

Finn didn't catch the end of that sentence, if there was one, because Kurt was shoving him over, making space for himself on Finn's bed _. On Finn's bed_. Finn nearly fell off the edge of the mattress trying to keep from touching him, and Kurt raised an eyebrow.

"Relax," he said, sounding a bit snippy, "It's not contagious."

Finn felt ashamed immediately.

"N-no, it's not that, I—"

"Finn," Kurt interrupted quietly, looking down at his hands, "It's okay if you're uncomfortable. I know it's a lot to get used to, and I understand. I can accept that. Just…" he looked up, "don't lie to me about it, okay? Brothers shouldn't lie to each other."

Finn swallowed the words on the tip of his tongue.  _Brothers shouldn't think about how cute their brothers look in their pajamas, either._  But Kurt  _had_  said he wanted him to be honest.

"Yeah, okay. I won't lie, I'm uncomfortable." Kurt looked away, and Finn felt compelled to continue. "Just…not for the reasons you think okay?"

Kurt looked back—seriously, it was like he was a cartoon with all the looking—and his expression was confused. Like everything else about him in the last bizarre ten minutes, it was really cute.

"What reasons?"

"Don't worry about it." Finn felt his face twisting into that awkward, automatic grin he hated: the fake one that was a dead giveaway to anyone who knew him well that something was really wrong. Surely Kurt didn't know him that well yet, though—

"Finn, you have your gassy infant face on."

Finn scowled. "Gah, could you please not call it that? Freaking Santana—I do not look like a gassy infant! It's just my uncomfortable face!"

He was gesticulating a little wildly, and sitting too close to the edge of the bed. He overbalanced, flailed for a minute, and then toppled off the other side, landing in a cursing heap on the floor while Kurt tried to stifle his laughter behind his flannel sleeve-covered hands. Finn hauled himself up, trying and failing to maintain a glare as he took in the sight of his stepbrother.

He was actually  _rolling_  on Finn's bed, curling in on himself, knees clutched to his chest and face tucked under his arms, attempting and failing to stifle the peals of laughter escaping him. His hair was messy and sticking up with static. He was the cutest thing Finn had ever seen.

_Dammit! Stop stop stop…think of the mail man or something!_

But that wasn't going to work, and he knew it. The mail man scenario was for a completely different kind of feeling: the hot and bothered kind. And at the moment, Kurt wasn't making him feel hot and bothered, just…warm and fuzzy. In a way that wasn't entirely brotherly.

_Oh brother._

He crawled back onto the bed and sat, waiting patiently for Kurt to calm down. When the laughing fit finally subsided, Kurt sat up, unfurling and brushing tears from his eyes with the sleeves of Finn's shirt while trying to catch his breath.

"I'm sorry," he said. "You were just so funny. You looked like a baby bird getting pushed out of the nest for the first time."

Finn couldn't help but grin at that. Baby bird was better than gassy infant, right?

"So, let's look at this math homework, shall we?" He pulled Finn's math book towards him, glancing between the page in the book and the problems on Finn's paper. He frowned.

"Finn…you've done this entire thing wrong."

Finn groaned. "Great. Help me?" He scooted closer to Kurt, leaning over his shoulder to look at his hopeless math assignment. The only problem was, once he was there he couldn't think about math. He couldn't think about _anything_  all of a sudden except the fact that some of Kurt's static-y hair was tickling his neck.  _Oh wow,_  he thought _, Kurt's hair is soft. And it smells really good, too. Like a girl's. But not really. Just…really, really good._

Without thinking about it, he ducked his head and buried his face in Kurt's hair, bringing his arms up to wrap around Kurt's shoulders, pinning him against his body, back to chest.

He felt Kurt freeze against him.

"Finn, what—"

"Dunno," Finn mumbled with his usual level of eloquence. "Your hair just smells nice. And you look really cute in my shirt."

He felt Kurt take a long, unsteady breath.

"I don't…" he started to whimper, but Finn stopped him. He didn't think about it. He just turned Kurt in his arms—he was so easy to move; he was about as heavy and resistant as a rag doll—and kissed him softly but firmly on the lips. Kurt brought his hands up within the circle of Finn's arms to press them against his chest, as if to push the other boy away.

Except that he didn't push him away. When his hands made contact with Finn's chest, he froze again…and then  _melted._

He kissed Finn back. Enthusiastically.

And there was suddenly no way Finn could pretend that this was in any way brotherly. It wasn't just warm and fuzzy anymore, either. Kurt was kissing him in a way that  _did_ have him thinking desperately of the mail man, his hands clenched into fists around the fabric of Finn's shirt, pulling him closer. The taller boy had just enough time to be surprised that small, soft-spoken Kurt could be so aggressive before he was shoved roughly away.

For a moment, there were only the sounds of two teenage boys getting their breath back. Finn stared at his lap as he willed his heartbeat to return to its normal, sub-sonic tempo. After what seemed like a very long silence, he dared to glance up.

Kurt was on the other end of the bed, knees drawn up to his chest again with his arms crossed on top of them, pointed little chin resting on his forearm. He wasn't looking at Finn; he was staring straight ahead with his lips pressed into a thin line and his brow furrowed slightly.

"Kurt?" Finn's voice was husky; he cleared his throat, and reached out to lay a hand on Kurt's shoulder. "Kurt, I-"

_SMACK._

Finn reeled back, a hand over his face where Kurt had slapped him, and stared helplessly as Kurt jumped up from the bed and ran out of the room without a word, slamming the door behind him.


	2. Blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today, my stepbrother refuses to speak to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason, the last half of this caused "Total Eclipse of the Heart" to get stuck in my head. If you want the total experience, you should probably have the Glee cast version of it on repeat while you read. Have fun!

_Today, my stepbrother refuses to speak to me. Yesterday I kissed him and he kissed back, then slapped me and ran away. FML_

* * *

 

Finn figured there were lots of things he could blame it on. It was his math homework's fault. Santana's. That damn shirt's fault. Burt's. Or just Kurt's.

It was his math homework's fault because if he didn't have math homework, he would have been playing a video game and would've been too busy to notice Kurt being cute. He hoped.

It was Santana's fault because she had to dub his uncomfortable smile his "gassy infant face," and if she hadn't, he wouldn't have freaked out when Kurt called it that, and he wouldn't have fallen off the bed, and Kurt wouldn't have gotten his hair all messy and his face all flushed, so he wouldn't have been so cute that Finn just  _had_ to kiss him.

It was that shirt's fault, too, because if Kurt hadn't been wearing that shirt that was too big and made him look so small and delicate and pale and perfect by comparison, maybe Finn wouldn't have noticed how small and delicate and pale and perfect Kurt actually  _was,_ and then maybe he wouldn't have wanted to kiss him in the first place.

Maybe it was Burt's fault, for not getting Finn's bedroom ready faster. If Finn had his own room, he would've been doing his homework there instead of across the room from Kurt, so it wouldn't matter if Kurt had to borrow some of his clothes to sleep in.

Of course, the most obvious culprit was Kurt himself. If Kurt weren't so damn cute in the first place, if he weren't so small and delicate and pale and perfect-looking, if he didn't have pretty pink lips and cute little elf-ears and a cute little elf-nose, if he didn't have such soft hair or smell so nice, or look just so darn cute...if he wasn't so much like a damsel in distress that he brought out Finn's natural protective side, if it weren't for the fact that he sometimes looked at Finn like he was his knight in shining armor at school whenever Finn stood up for him...if he didn't have a smile that lit up his whole face and made the people who could make him smile feel like they'd just done the one thing that would guarantee them a spot in Heaven, right next to Cheesus...if he didn't have eyebrows that could raise independently of one another, and really  _high_ when he was amused about something, if he didn't have those cute little smirks and that way of walking, if his voice weren't so quiet and sweet and pretty...

 _GAHHHH! What in the world am I_  thinking?

Finn slumped forward in his computer chair, his head hitting the keyboard. He let out a defeated groan. Great. Somewhere along the line, he had apparently developed a big, gay crush on his little gay stepbrother. Who now wasn't speaking to him, or looking at him, or even staying in the same room with him any longer than necessary. He hadn't even come back downstairs to go to bed last night, and when Finn had asked Burt about it, he'd shrugged and said Kurt went to see Mercedes for some study help and ended up staying the night.

Finn wanted so badly to apologize. And while he was at it, he wanted to thank Kurt a billion times for not telling their parents. He couldn't imagine what Burt would do to him if he found out.

 _Oh God. He would actually murder me, wouldn't he? Yep. Dead Finn, that's what I'd be. Big, stupid,_ dead  _Frankenteen. Big, stupid, dead, apparently_ gay  _Frankenteen. What the actual fuck?_

He sighed and sat up, then froze. He wasn't alone in the room anymore. In the reflection on his computer screen he could see him, standing motionless at the foot of the stairs, staring at him from across the room. Kurt.

Finn turned slowly to meet his stepbrother's eyes. Kurt's expression tightened, but he didn't run away, or come closer, or do anything at all. They just stood that way for a minute, staring at one another. When Finn was sure he'd go crazy from the steadily-building tension in the room, Kurt finally spoke.

"Why did you kiss me?" he asked in his soft voice. He didn't sound mad, but he didn't sound good, either. Just curious, and a little guarded. Finn sighed and leaned forward, propping his elbows up on his overlong legs and pressing the heels of his palms to his forehead.

"I don't know," he said to the floor.

"Don't give me that, Finn," Kurt said sternly, taking a few cautious steps across the room. "You were acting weird all night, and then you kissed me. And just a few months ago you were so upset by the idea that someone might think you'd  _want_ to kiss me that you were throwing the f-word around this basement like it was candy on Halloween. So," he reached Finn's side and sat down gingerly on the edge of the little table that served as their shared computer desk. When he continued, his voice was gentle. "What changed?"

Finn turned to look up at him, but didn't un-hunch his shoulders or raise his head.

"I don't know!" he said again. Kurt raised an eyebrow, and Finn continued in a halting, scared-sounding voice that broke Kurt's heart a little.

"One minute you were just Kurt, my stepbrother, and that was  _it._ And then you borrowed some of my clothes to sleep in, and they just made you look so  _little_ and  _cute,_ and you were  _being_ really cute, and I…I wanted…I just…"

He took a deep, steadying breath. He felt like he was about to cry. And as a rule, he  _didn't_ cry, except under extreme circumstances. Like finding out his girlfriend was pregnant. He guessed that finding out he might be a little less straight than he thought was pretty tame in comparison to that, but it made him feel just as lost, just as uncertain, and he couldn't help it. He choked back a sob.

Kurt's arms were around him immediately, one of his small hands cradling his head while the other rubbed comfortingly at his back. It was the way Finn's mother had held him when he'd cried as a kid, and he sank into it gratefully, resting his head against the smaller boy's shoulder. This, at least, felt perfectly innocent and brotherly. Well, if he hadn't known the reason it was necessary in the first place.

"What am I gonna do, Kurt?" he said, his voice muffled by Kurt's sweater.

"I don't know, Finn," came his soft reply. "That's really up to you. What do you want to do?"

"Honestly?"

"Honestly. You can tell me anything, and I won't judge you, I promise." Finn pulled back, sniffling a little, and looked at Kurt through eyes blurred by tears.

"I don't know what to do," he said in a small voice. "I don't know if I'm…if I'm g-gay—" he hated himself for stumbling over the word, "or maybe bi? Or if it was just you, just that once, or…oh God, do I have to come out of the closet now? I didn't even know I was in a closet!" Finn was up and pacing, his voice was climbing, and Kurt found himself dodging frantic hand-motions as the boy began to talk himself into a full-scale panic attack. He decided to intervene.

"Finn," he said firmly, reaching out to grab his waving arms and press them still at his sides, "calm down. This is not the end of the world." Finn took a deep breath.

"I-it's not?" Kurt shook his head, looking up with eyes full of sympathy.

"It's really not. And to answer your question, no, you don't have to come out of the closet. Not yet anyway. Believe me, I don't condone denying who you are, but by the same token I think it's important to  _know_ who you are before you feel like you have to start declaring it to the world."

Finn plopped down in his chair again, looking up at Kurt with relief evident in his every feature. Then his brow furrowed with confusion.

"Okay, so…how do I figure that out?" Kurt smiled a bit ruefully.

"I really have no idea." He perched on the little desk again, angling his body toward Finn and speaking as frankly and honestly as he was capable of, alternating between meeting his eyes and looking down at his hands as he explained.

"I've kind of…always known. I mean, not that I was gay. I didn't even know what that meant when I was little. But I've always known I was different, and when I started to have  _any_ kind of romantic or…er, other, feelings about anyone," he paused, blushing delicately, "they were always toward boys, never girls."

"Wow," said Finn. "That sounds so simple." Kurt gave him a sharp eye, and he backpedalled quickly. "I mean, I know it wasn't easy, and people gave you crap. Even me," he added, looking ashamed. "But at least you  _knew,_ right? Who you were, what you liked. I  _thought_ I did. Apparently not." Finn was back to talking to the floor, and Kurt took pity on him.

"You're right," he said, "the figuring it out part was simple. If we lived in a different kind of world, my lot would definitely be the easiest, because as far as what I wanted there was no internal struggle. It was what I wanted to want, what other people thought I should want, and what they'd think if they knew what I  _did_ want, that gave me trouble."

Finn looked at him, face screwed up in confusion.

"Dude…what?" Kurt sighed.

"Nevermind, Frankenteen. My struggle was due to external forces. Yours comes from within, that's all I'm saying."

"Oh. Okay, gotcha. So…"

"Yes?" Kurt looked at him with one eyebrow cocked, and Finn felt that crazy desire to kiss him steal over him again, in spite of the perfectly normal conversation they'd just carried out and the sickening confusion he felt.

"Um…nevermind," he said, averting his eyes. Kurt reached out and put a finger under his chin, guiding his face back up so he would look at him again.

"Finn, what is it?"

"N-nothing, I just…well…"  _Be honest with him,_ he suddenly thought out of nowhere.  _He said he wouldn't judge._

"It's just…" he took a deep breath, and plunged in. "When you do that thing with your eyebrows it...it makes me want to k-kiss you again." And his eyes had found their way back to the floor.

Kurt considered him for a minute, his expression unreadable. Then,

"Okay," he said simply. Finn looked up at him, confused. Kurt was blushing a bit, and only met Finn's eyes briefly before looking away, blush deepening.

"O…kay? Okay, what?" Finn asked. Kurt responded by swallowing hard and meeting the taller boy's gaze, jaw set and a strangely determined glint in his eyes. Finn got it, and his mouth dropped open.

"Really?" he said, so quietly Kurt could barely hear him even at this close proximity. He only nodded shortly, once. Finn considered him for a minute, unable to figure out his expression or his frozen posture. He sat up, turned toward Kurt, and leaned forward hesitantly, stopping about four inches from Kurt's face to look him directly in his eyes. Kurt stared back, silently challenging. Finn's breathing shallowed, shook the tiniest bit.

He leaned in closer, brown eyes still locked onto blue. Kurt didn't move, but he let out a shaky breath of his own, and it ghosted over Finn's face, smelling slightly of mint and gourmet coffee. He licked his dry lips nervously, and moved even closer. Their eyes stayed locked until Finn was so close he could feel the heat radiating from Kurt's furiously blushing face, and then Kurt's closed, his lips parting in anticipation, a fraction of a second before Finn kissed him. And like the last time, Kurt kissed back, eagerly.

Unlike the last time, however, Kurt didn't push him away in the next second, and as Finn lost himself in the long, sweet, perfect kisses that followed, he thought maybe it didn't matter so much what he was or what the consequences would be, as long as he got to kiss Kurt like this from now on.


	3. Nameless Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today was the best morning ever.

_Today was the best morning ever. Right up until my stepdad caught me making out with his son. FML._

* * *

 

Finn woke up to Kurt beating him over the head with a pillow, and glared up at the smaller boy, which only earned him a smile and another slap with the pillow.

"Wake up, Frankenteen! We're going out."

Finn rolled over and looked at his alarm clock, and then groaned.

"Dude, it's seven o'clock on a Saturday. Lemme sleep!" Kurt just laughed and shook his head, leaning over to tug the blankets off Finn and make him get up. Finn, of course, wasn't having that.

He grabbed Kurt by the shoulders and pulled him down onto the bed, ignoring the smaller boy's squealed protests as he wrapped arms and legs around him and snuggled back into his mattress, getting comfortable.

"Finn!" Kurt was trying to sound outraged, but it just came out breathless with laughter. "Unhand me right this instant! You're wrinkling my outfit, and Gaga knows what you're doing to my hair!"

"Shoulda thought of that before you tried to wake me up so early," Finn mumbled sleepily, completely ignoring Kurt's attempts to free himself. After a second, he gave up and settled into Finn's embrace with an exasperated huff.

"You're derailing my plans for the day, you know," he said sulkily. He felt Finn nod. "Well, aren't you even the littlest bit sorry?"

"Nope," came Finn's reply. "Not if I get to do this instead." He tightened his arms around Kurt and nuzzled his face into the boy's hair. Kurt laughed, only a little awkwardly.

"Finn…" he hesitated, then decided to plunge on. "What are we?" He sounded so young, and uncertain, completely different from the self-assured Kurt that had comforted Finn during his emotional breakdown a few days prior. It made Finn feel something that was neither warm and fuzzy, brotherly, or hot and bothered. He couldn't put a name to it, but it ached a little. He shifted so that Kurt was laying beside him, and he could look down into the boy's pale, beautiful face.

"We're…I dunno what we are. I dunno if there's a word for it. What do  _you_ think we are?"

Kurt considered him for a moment, his face impassive. There really  _wasn't_  a good word for it. Finn thought he might run screaming from the room if Kurt said the word "boyfriends." He definitely wasn't ready for that kind of drama; just  _thinking_ of what kind of reaction he'd get from Rachel, Quinn, Puck, and  _Burt_ made him feel sick. But "friends" didn't feel right, either, and Finn knew for sure that he didn't want to be Kurt's brother. If Kurt were his brother, he couldn't hold him like this, and he definitely couldn't kiss him.

Of course, the fact that he wanted that so badly was still throwing him for a loop.  _Why do I feel this way, all of a sudden?_ He thought, not for the first time since this whole thing had started. _Why Kurt? I've never thought this way about a dude before, not even like a celebrity dude or anything. Am I gay? Am I straight except for when it comes to Kurt? Does it even work like that? Does that make me bi? Is liking one dude enough to qualify me for bi-ness? Are there even rules for that kinda thing?_

He suddenly realized that Kurt had leaned back on his arm, and was giving him a very amused look, as if he could read Finn's mind and knew he was spacing out and freaking himself out with weird questions. Finn grinned apologetically, and earned another of Kurt's beatific smiles in return.

"I don't know what we are, either," Kurt finally said. "No offense, Finn, but I don't want to date you." Finn's face fell a little, despite the surge of relief he felt, and Kurt hastened to explain. "Don't get me wrong, I like you. I had a huge crush on you all last year, remember? Still...our parents are married now, and we live together, so that's awkward. You're not really sure of your sexuality, and I'm not ready to put myself out there for you just to get trampled on if you decide you're straight after all, and this was all a fluke. I mean…" he faltered for a second, face getting red as he averted his eyes, suddenly vitally interested in a tiny hole in the sleeve of Finn's shirt. When he spoke again, his voice was soft, and the childlike uncertainty was back.

"You liking me that much would actually be a dream come true," he murmured, "but…it's a dream I gave up on, so I don't expect anything like that. I really want to help you figure things out, and I don't want to complicate your internal struggle with worries about hurting my feelings. I don't want you to feel obligated towards me in any way—"

Kurt was rambling, and Finn found it adorable. His face got redder and redder the longer he talked, and Finn felt his stomach do a happy little flip when Kurt said that part about a dream come true, but finally he thought it would be mean to let Kurt go on any longer, since he was obviously so flustered. He closed the distance between their lips and shut Kurt up with a quick, sweet little kiss. Kurt looked at him, surprised.

"What was  _that_ for?" he asked. Finn chuckled.

"You looked like the boy version of one of those teapots in old cartoons," he said. "I didn't want steam to start coming out of your ears." Kurt laughed and reached out to smack his chest, but Finn just grabbed his hand and held it there.

"Finn—"

"Hang on a second, okay?" Kurt nodded.

"Okay, here's the thing: I dunno if I'm gay, or bi, or if it's just you or whatever. I think it might be just you. I'm still really confused, like you said. I don't want to be your boyfriend, but not because I don't like you. But I don't want to be your friend either, and I  _definitely_  don't wanna be your brother."

He paused, brow furrowed. Putting what he was feeling into words was hard for Finn. Kurt just looked up at him from his oh-so-comfortable position nestled against Finn's side, a soft smile playing across his face as he watched his…whatever Finn was to him now. It was really disconcerting not to have a title for one another.

Finally, Finn spoke again, haltingly.

"Since the other night…I've tried to go back to the way I used to think about you. I try to look at you and see just a guy that I know from Glee, but I can't. So then I try to let you just be the best friend I've ever had." He looked into Kurt's eyes and read the question there, and smiled.

"Yeah, I know I called Puck my best friend for a really long time. But when you look at what Puck's done to me, and then what you've done for me? When I think of him, all that plays over and over in my head is the day I found out he was the father of Quinn's baby. Not sure I can ever forget that, even if I've mostly forgiven them." Kurt shifted in his arms, suddenly not meeting his eyes.

"So, what do you see when you think of me? All my pathetic fawning over you last year isn't exactly the stuff of epic friendship and camaraderie."

Finn just smiled at the top of Kurt's head.

"Dude, I have no idea what that last word even means, and you know it." Kurt let out a sad little chuckle, and Finn just squeezed his shoulders the littlest bit tighter.

"When I try to look at you as just the best friend I've ever had, I see you wearing a see-through raincoat, covered in a purple slushie." Kurt jerked his head up. Finn had never even mentioned that day again. He smiled down at him.

"You were right…none of the football team would've done something like that for me.  _Nobody_ else would've. You didn't have to, and I never would've asked you to…you just  _did._ And it was the worst feeling in the world, watching you throw that slushie in your own face. But later…it felt…I dunno. Warm. Right here…" He squeezed the hand he was still holding against his chest. "To know somebody cared that much about me."

"Well," Kurt said, blushing furiously now and too flustered to even look Finn in the eye. "I couldn't just let them beat you up, could I?"

Finn grinned and leaned in to kiss the top of Kurt's hair. He was a little thrown by how natural this felt. It was new, and it was terrifying, and a part of him was still wondering what the hell he was doing, laying here with his friend/teammate/stepbrother/Kurt wrapped up in his arms. Mentally it was wrecking him, but physically? He never wanted to let go.

"But looking at you as a best friend didn't work, either. I started to notice all the wrong things,  _want_ all the wrong things. Thinking back to you taking that slushie for me just made me think about how you were about me back then."

Kurt grimaced.

"Can we not, please?" He asked pleadingly. "I  _know_ I was obnoxious back then and I'm sorry. I won't be like that now, Finn, no matter what you decide, I—"

"Dude, dude...that's not what I meant. Calm down." He released Kurt's hand and touched his chin instead, tilting it upward so Kurt was forced to look him in the eye. He gave him a grin, that perfect, sunny smile that always used to make Kurt's breath catch in his throat. It still did; Kurt's mini-freak-out died out, and Finn continued.

"What I meant was, how you used to look at me. I know I act like I don't notice stuff, especially when it makes me uncomfortable, but I do. I may not be the best at math…or English…or school…" Kurt snickered, and Finn silenced him with a look. "But I'm pretty good with people. I'm good at knowing what they want and how they feel. I  _knew_ you had a crush on me, even before you were obvious about it. I remember the way you smiled at me whenever I happened to look at you. I remember the way you used to look at me if I passed you in the hallway, the way you were so nervous and…and giddy…about touching me at all."

"Giddy? I most certainly was not—"

"You nearly hyperventilated helping me pick out a tie that one time, dude."

"Oh. Um…like I said before, can we not?"

"It's almost over, I promise," Finn replied affectionately. "So back then I ignored all that stuff because it freaked me out. My mom raised me to be…accepting, I guess, but you were the only openly gay dude I'd ever met, so you were  _definitely_ the only one who'd ever had a crush on me…at least as far as I knew. I didn't know how to handle it; I should've just told you I wasn't interested from the get-go, but I didn't. I ignored it thinking it'd just go away. I'm still sorry about that, by the way." His voice suddenly lost its buoyancy, and Kurt looked up to find that the smile had fallen away as well. "All of it," Finn said softly. "The not being straight with you, and the rest."

Kurt couldn't stop the smile. "Not being straight with me? Really, Finn, a pun at a time like this?" Finn looked confused, and then it dawned on him. He laughed, but it sounded hollow. Kurt drew back from Finn's arms a bit, pulling himself upright and biting his lip at the sight of Finn's dejected expression. He felt that same protective urge rise in him that had prompted his self-inflicted slushie facial. When Finn Hudson smiled it was like the sun came out, and when he looked sad, or scared, it was heart-wrenching. Kurt would have taken a hundred slushies just to never see him look that way.

"Finn," he said firmly. "I forgave you for that a long time ago. You might even remember the moment, considering you were wearing a bright red shower curtain at the time." Finn groaned and the sadness left his eyes, replaced by embarrassment. It wasn't happiness, but it was bearable. Kurt went on.

"You can't blame yourself for any of that, Finn. You knew I had a crush on you, but I also knew you  _didn't_ feel that way about me. I let myself interpret you being kind to me as a sign that maybe you secretly liked me back because I wanted it so badly, when really you were just being…decent, and good, and you. I took advantage of that, and I am so sorry."

Finn smiled down at him, a rueful half-smile this time.

"Kinda funny…all that time you had a crush on me, and then you finally get over it and I have to go nuts and kiss you just because you look adorable in my clothes. And then you  _hit_ me." Kurt grimaced, but Finn only grinned. "S'okay, dude. Just…I will personally stick up for you if anybody  _ever_ says you hit like a girl. Now c'mere and lemme finish."

He pulled Kurt in again, wrapping both arms around him. "Where was I? Right…okay, so looking at you as the best friend I've ever had got complicated. So then I tried to just see you as my brother again, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't even  _start_ to do it, it hurt too much."

Kurt looked up at him questioningly, and Finn went on.

"If you're just some guy I know, I can get to know you better. If you're my best friend, well that could turn into…something else, right? But…" his voice dropped, "if you're my brother, that's all you'll ever be. The other ones…okay, it's like, the way I feel about you is a ladder. And if…if I…loved you," a blush crept into his face as he talked, and Kurt felt something like his heart was constricting and trying to do flips at the same time, "well, that'd be the top of that ladder. But if you're  _family…_ that's like I'm on the top of a building across town with no way to climb down. I can't go any higher, and I can't ever feel  _less_ about you than I do, but I can't ever get to the top of that ladder, or even go anywhere near it. So…looking at you like my brother didn't work either."

He fell silent, and Kurt just gazed up at him, letting the quiet stretch out and envelope them. He took a moment to seriously think about what Finn meant to him. He was Kurt's friend, yes, and fellow Glee clubber—which was something like being teammates as well as brothers-in-arms in an ongoing war for independence—and Finn  _had_ been a brother to him in some ways. Kurt knew he'd be a great brother, too. For a second, Kurt faltered; he could see it all in his head. He saw himself helping Finn fill out college applications. He saw himself as the best man at Finn's wedding, patting his shoulder comfortingly in the waiting room at the birth of his first child, godfather and uncle and brother. He could have Finn forever, have a claim on him that nothing could break, and they'd be so good as brothers, better than if they'd been born that way, but they'd never be more.

At the same time, he could see another future…and it was so much less certain. He saw Finn, flustered and red-faced, trying to explain the situation to Burt and Carole with his hand clasped in Kurt's. He saw Finn holding his hand under the table at lunch, saw Rachel and Quinn's glares slowly fading into resignation, then acceptance, and eventually—at least on Rachel's part—genuine happiness for the two of them. He saw Finn defending him when some Neanderthal football player tried to push him around, saw himself washing slushie out of Finn's hair in the locker rooms, saw the two of them dancing at prom and hugging one another, holding on for dear life, after graduation. He saw Finn's nervous look as he asked Kurt to marry him and that perfect, sunshining smile when Kurt said yes. He saw Finn freaking out and worrying he'd "break it or something" the first time they held the baby they'd adopt. He saw Finn's arm around his waist and felt Finn's lips pressing a kiss to his hair as they watched their kid go off to school for the first time and Kurt fought not to tear up.

It was even more beautiful than being brothers, but so uncertain. Because Finn wasn't sure, and they were teenagers, and anything could happen at every moment along the way, for the rest of their lives, to derail that future and turn it into a tragedy. Finn could be too afraid, Finn could change his mind.  _Hell, I could change_ my  _mind,_ he thought desperately.  _We could be happy, but we could also break each others' hearts._

When that happened—if it happened—they wouldn't be able to go back to being brothers. As soon as they took the leap they were staring down, brothers would be left behind. Kurt could lose everything he saw in that first, perfect vision. He wasn't completely sure they hadn't already lost it. As he looked into Finn's eyes, he knew the other boy would never go back to seeing him just as a brother again, and he wasn't sure he could do it, either. He felt his heart start to race at the knowledge of everything they were risking, but he knew he'd wonder for the rest of his life what might have happened if he backed down now. His choice was made…he'd let Finn decide for himself.

"So…what? Where does that leave us?" His voice was quiet, and he had to force himself not to look away from Finn's face as he spoke. The smile he earned was well worth the effort.

"So I'll come up with the perfect word later, but for now can you just be Kurt, and I'll be Finn? It's always worked before."

Kurt smiled weakly.

"It's never worked quite like  _this_ before."

"I know," Finn said. "And I'm…scared."  _That's as good a word as any._ "But we'll figure it out. All I know is that you're awesome…amazing. You're a good friend, and you sing like…I dunno, like an angel or something. You make me feel good about…life, everything. I like hugging you, and making you laugh. And I like kissing you. I'll keep kissing you as long as you'll let me."

"Careful," Kurt said. "I don't think I'd ever be able to  _not_ let you."

Finn's heart soared, and he pulled Kurt into a bone-crushing hug, thinking this was definitely the best morning ever. At the renewed squeals of protest, he released him, and grinned at his indignant glare.

"So," he said casually. "What was this epic plan you had for today?"

Kurt grinned. "You'll never know, Finny-boy. Change of plans."

And he leaned forward, taking Finn's face in his hands and kissing him in a way that pushed the word  _brother_ right out of his vocabulary. Finn groaned into Kurt's mouth, bringing his hands to the smaller boy's slender hips and pushing him backwards without ever breaking the contact between their lips. When he had Kurt on his back he kissed him harder, sliding one hand underneath the fabric of his shirt, fingers caressing the cool skin there and pulling Kurt against him as he used his other hand to hold himself up. Kurt clutched at his shoulders, returning his kisses enthusiastically and letting out a soft, high-pitched little noise at the feel of Finn's hand on the bare skin of his back. He closed his eyes and lost himself, letting one of his hands inch around to Finn's back before sliding up to tangle in his short, dark hair while the other fisted his t-shirt and pulled him down. Finn lost his balance and fell on top of Kurt, their bodies flush against one another from head to toe—or head to mid-calf, since Finn was so much taller.

He rolled to the side and released Kurt's lips only to place warm, open-mouthed kisses on his jawline, his earlobe, and then one on his neck before he moved back to capture his mouth and began to work at the buttons on Kurt's fussy shirt, intent on revealing more of the soft, perfect pale skin. Finally, after his fingers slipped from a button for the third time, Kurt laughed throatily and pressed up, pushing Finn away. The larger boy was caught off guard, and released Kurt immediately, thinking he'd gone too far. Before he could open his mouth and catch enough breath to apologize, however, Kurt had wrenched open the offending buttons and was pressing against him again, collar and pale, perfect chest now exposed. Finn's heart was thudding a marathon as he slid his hands inside the open shirt, skimming lightly, almost reverently against the skin of Kurt's chest, stomach, sides…Kurt shivered at the sensation. His eyes fluttered closed and he opened his mouth, ever-so-slightly, in a little gasp of pleasurable surprise.

Finn didn't waste any time. He leaned in and kissed Kurt again, slipping his tongue between the boy's parted lips and exploring the inside of his mouth. Kurt just went with it, licking at Finn's tongue experimentally and then giving himself over to instinct, battling Finn's tongue for dominance and embarrassing himself a little with the high, breathless, needy noises that were thankfully mostly swallowed in their kisses as Finn's hands roamed all over him, leaving his skin burning for more everywhere they touched—

"What the _hell?"_

Both boys froze.


	4. Interruptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today, everyone in my life is a cockblock.

_Today, everyone in my life is a cockblock. FML_

* * *

 

"Kurt…"

The lips on his abruptly stopped moving, and Finn opened his eyes to see Rachel staring at him with a dumbfounded expression on her face.

"Finn…did you just call me Kurt?"

"Uh…no?" Finn offered feebly. He really needed to get better at lying. Rachel pulled back and just  _looked_ at him, her expression unreadable. As scary as she could be when she was loudly and enthusiastically expressing herself all over the place, not being able to see her emotions written all over her face was absolutely terrifying. Finn scrambled to find a suitable excuse for why Kurt's name had come out of his mouth while they were making out.

"Kurt…told me I needed to be home early. Needs my help with something for, uh…Glee club. I just remembered." He waited anxiously, not quite meeting her gaze, hoping she'd buy it. Luckily for him, Rachel's perceptiveness was immediately derailed by the mention of Glee.

"Something for Glee club? I thought you were my partner for this week's assignment?"

"Right…I am. But, uh, it's not for this week's assignment. It's something Kurt wanted to ask Mr. Shue about for Regionals. Uh, I can't really talk about it, Kurt asked me not to."

"But we're co-captains, Finn! We can't have members running secret agendas under the table and attempting to undermine my—I mean, our—roles as leaders within the group! I can't believe you would help him take a solo from me." She crossed her arms, looking furious and petulant and adorable. For some reason, Finn didn't feel his heart flip at the sight like it usually did. He thought of the way Kurt would jut one hip out and cross one arm over his body, cradling his elbow in his hand as he tapped his chin with a slender forefinger. And…there was that flip he'd been missing. He stood abruptly.

"Rachel, I gotta get home. We'll talk about this more later, alright?"

"Finn! Come back here. I will figure out what you two are planning, Finn Hudson, you just wait!"

He barely heard her. He was already down the stairs and heading toward the front door, waving to Rachel's dads as he went and hoping fervently that Burt wouldn't decide to come home early from the tire shop today. He had some definite rule-breaking in mind.

* * *

_Earlier that week…_

Finn thought his heart must have stopped beating. He opened his eyes to find Kurt staring at him, looking terrified. Slowly, he pulled away and sat up, tugging at his shirt where it had ridden up and pulling a pillow into his lap as inconspicuously as possible. He felt Kurt do the same beside him, but he didn't dare to look at him for fear he'd laugh—or worse, cry. He tried to meet Burt Hummel's eyes, but found he couldn't do it and stared at his feet instead.

For his part, Burt just stood in the doorway, wishing to God he had knocked first, not sure which boy to yell at first or whether he should be yelling at all. He just stared, taking in his son's ruffled hair, flushed face,  _open shirt…_ and a tiny, tiny smile that was twitching at the corner of his mouth. He felt trapped suddenly, and not at all like a grown man with two teenaged sons. He wanted to run away, and he wanted to shake them both till their brains rattled.  _What the hell am I supposed to do with this?_ He thought helplessly.

Finally, he took a deep breath, and spoke.

"Kurt…Finn…you wanna tell me what I walked in on just now?"

"Uhh…" Finn's usual level of eloquence decided to make an appearance, and he cursed silently. Just a few minutes ago he'd been able to tell Kurt what he was thinking, how he was feeling…but now? Faced with Burt's completely justifiable question he had no idea what he could possibly say.

"Dad," Kurt spoke up. "It's not…what it looks like." He seemed to realize just how unhelpful that statement was as it came out of his mouth, and his voice trailed off at the end, sounding very small. Finn wanted to reach over and grab his hand, nudge his shoulder, something to show his support…but with Burt standing there he was terrified to even look at him.

"What does it look like, Kurt?" Burt sounded a little less flustered, and a little more angry. Both boys' faces screwed up in similar grimaces.  _Here it comes._

"Because not long ago Finn was freaked out about sharing a room with you, and now I come downstairs and find the two of you…just…what the hell is going on?"

"Dad, please don't be mad," Kurt said hurriedly, worried as always about his father's heart. That spurred Finn into action; at the moment he wasn't sure if Burt was going to treat him like his stepson or like the guy he just caught  _making out_ with his son, but regardless, Burt was still the closest thing to a father Finn was ever going to get.

"Burt…I know this looks bad. And I know you're confused…I mean…I'm confused. I don't really know what happened, and I don't know how this'll change things, but…I just really like Kurt. Like…more than you should like your brother."

Burt opened his mouth, then shut it. A hundred possible responses all seemed inadequate to express his confusion. He looked between the two boys, trying to make sense of it, and that's when he noticed something new.

While Finn was speaking, he'd moved unconsciously closer to Kurt. He wasn't touching him at all—for which Burt was eternally grateful because really, there's only so much a guy can take at a time—but he was leaning toward him, shoulder almost brushing his, and his head was turned slightly toward Kurt as if just waiting for the smaller boy to need him for anything. Kurt, likewise, was angled slightly toward Finn, delicate features, so like his mother's, fighting against an affectionate smile. Despite the awkwardness of the situation, he looked relaxed…something Burt didn't see from his son very often, even at home.

His sighed, and tried to quiet his brain, which was currently running through all the many ways this was a bad idea, and all the different awkward conversations this was going to require in the future. He fixed his eyes on the two of them and tried to keep his expression as serious as possible without letting any anger seep in.

"Okay. I'm going to go upstairs, and talk to Carol. I want you boys to stay down here. I'm gonna leave the door open, and it better stay that way. We'll call you up in a few minutes, and then we're all gonna have a talk about what's going on and how we're gonna handle it as a family." As he said this last part, he fixed his eyes particularly on Finn, trying to let him know that they _were_ still a family, even if things just got a lot weirder than he ever expected.

"Okay…cool," said Finn.

"Sounds reasonable," said Kurt drily, although he  _clearly_ was not happy about the door being left open. Burt gave him an eyebrow raised in warning, before he turned to go.

"Hey Kurt," he said when he was on the stairs, "make sure your clothes are all on when you come upstairs, alright?"

Kurt blushed to the roots of his hair, and Finn had to stifle a snigger because, really, this was the worst  _possible_ time to act like Kurt's idiot brother instead of the guy who'd taken his clothes half off in the first place, wasn't it?

They both sat absolutely still, waiting until Burt was definitely gone before they moved or said anything. When they were sure he wasn't going to pop his head back in the doorway, they turned very slowly to look at one another…and Kurt burst out laughing.

"Dude! This is so not funny," Finn said, but he was smiling a little anyway. For Kurt's part, he was completely cracking up. He collapsed onto the bed, peals of laughter pouring from his mouth until he was gasping for breath. Finn watched him, smile growing but bewildered as to how Kurt could possibly find this so hilarious.

"Kurt…c'mon man, calm down. At least explain to me what's so funny so I can be laughing too."

At that, Kurt sat up and fixed Finn with a grin that was almost  _evil,_ and a glint in his eye that spoke  _volumes_ of mischief. He looked like an imp. Not that Finn knew what an imp was.

"My father just caught me making out with a boy," Kurt said simply, quietly, and full of meaning. "I feel positively cliché. I feel like…like such a…such a  _teenager_." He sounded giddy, and for the life of him Finn couldn't understand why. Wasn't getting caught making out by your parents supposed to be embarrassing and awkward beyond all belief?

"You're…happy about that?"

Kurt grinned wider and leaned over, tucking himself neatly into Finn's lap. Finn wrapped his arms around Kurt's smaller frame automatically, without even thinking. It was just the natural thing to do. He rested his cheek on the top of Kurt's head and listened to him explain.

"Yes, I'm happy about that, Finn," Kurt said patiently. "I'm over the moon. Think about it: everyone gets caught making out by their parents at some point, right? Everyone brings home someone their parents find totally unacceptable for one reason or another. Everyone has to sit down and have an awkward talk with their parents about rules for having guests over, and keeping the door open, and things like that."

"Yeah," said Finn, still not understanding. Kurt shifted in his arms to look up at him.

"Everyone," he said pointedly, "Except me."

Then Finn got it.  _Oh wow._ Kurt was sixteen—soon to be seventeen, actually—and he had never had  _the talk_  with his dad, or had awkward moments caused by having boys over…not because his dad was exceptionally uninterested in his son's life, or because Kurt was especially crafty and sneaky…but because there had never  _been_  any boys.

Finn felt the need to hold Kurt just a little bit tighter.

"I'm glad it was me he walked in on you making out with," he said huskily against Kurt's hair, and Kurt huffed a laugh at the ludicrous statement, but he returned the embrace, because he understood. He closed his eyes and just rested there, his mind reeling with the incredible strangeness of this situation and the inexplicable  _joy_ it brought with it. He knew what came next would be really awkward, but he was more than prepared to just deal with it if he could keep holding onto Finn like this every day for the rest of…however long.

He lost track of how long they had been sitting there, just wrapped up in one another and enjoying each other's company in silence, when he heard his father nervously clear his throat from the direction of the stairs. He opened his eyes and looked to see his dad standing at the foot of the stairs, one hand still on the railing, looking at the two of them with the strangest mix of emotions on his face. Then he looked beyond his dad to see Carol, standing just over his shoulder, and he felt a sudden wave of affection for his stepmom as he registered her posture: she was standing with one hand over her heart and a  _besotted_  look on her face. She could have been watching  _Titanic_ or looking at kittens. He smiled at her and looked up at Finn, only to find that Finn hadn't noticed his mom's expression because he was too busy staring down at Kurt. He hadn't even heard Kurt's dad clear his throat.

Kurt's smile widened as he gazed at Finn, and he thought that maybe the coming awkwardness was really going to be worth it.

"Okay boys," said Burt finally, breaking through their happy bubble and causing both boys to turn to look at him with apprehensive expressions. "Let's get upstairs. We need to have a talk and lay some ground rules."

* * *

Finn arrived home to an empty driveway and sighed his relief against the steering wheel before parking and tearing into the house, bypassing his usual stops—living room, kitchen—to make a beeline for the room he still shared with Kurt. Although Burt had made it clear that they would be getting their own rooms in the  _very_ near future, for now he had no choice but to allow the two of them to continue to share. He wasn't happy about it, though, and if he were able to read Finn's mind this very minute, he would probably make him sleep chained to a fence in the back yard for the duration of high school.

Bounding down the stairs two at a time, Finn grabbed the top of the short banister at the bottom and swung himself into the room, eyes falling on Kurt, who was sitting cross-legged on his bed doing his homework. Finn just let his eyes roam over him for a second: he was in the kind of outfit that made Finn want to start kissing him and never stop, a long, asymmetrical top that was beige and sheer and fell over his hands just the littlest bit, a black sweater that fell below his hips, and a pair of impossibly tight jeans that made Finn ache just to look at them—in all the best _and_ worst ways. Finn thought he recognized this outfit, actually. If nothing else, he definitely recognized the adorable, boyish innocence of it, and he wondered if it were on purpose or if Kurt could possibly be unaware by this point of how helpless Finn was against him.

His long legs crossed the room in a couple of quick strides, and he just kept going when he got to the bed, crawling onto it and sliding Kurt's homework carefully to the side before laying him backwards and settling on top of him, pressing a hungry, desperate kiss against his mouth that made Kurt's fingers clench around his shoulders even as the rest of him melted into the bed beneath them, forgetting he had been doing anything else as he surrendered to the kiss. Finn shivered as he felt Kurt's hands release his shoulders only to skim up the sides of his neck and face before moving back to bury themselves in his hair. His own hands were doing a fair bit of wandering themselves; they moved against Kurt's back, pulling him closer and then upright, giving Finn room to slide them down and under the hems of the various layers. It was amazing how, with his eyes closed, he could just feel  _everything_ that much more. He felt the roughness of denim, the slightly silky feeling of the tan undershirt, and then the smooth warmth of Kurt's bare skin. He felt the boy in his arms shiver at the touch as he ran his hands up his back and pressed even closer to him than before. He opened his eyes and looked down at Kurt's face, eyes closed and mouth slightly open in a tiny smile. He looked completely blissful. Finn leaned in for another kiss…

...and Kurt's phone started blaring on the bedside table.

"Ugh, hang on," he said exasperatedly. "That's Rachel's ringtone." Finn's eyes widened.

"Uh, yeah. About that…"

Finn quickly explained about the situation with Rachel as the phone continued to wail repeatedly—what sounded like an actual recording of Rachel singing "I Was Born To Entertain." By the time he was done, Kurt was looking up at him with a mixture of horror and…a tiny bit of hurt.

"Okay. I'm going to run interference with a crazed Rachel Berry while  _you_ sit here, cool off, and figure out how exactly you're planning on dealing with your _girlfriend_  in the future." With that, he turned away to answer the still-ringing phone, and Finn flopped onto his back, staring up at the ceiling and feeling the dread curl up in his stomach.

Not only did it  _not_ look like he would be kissing Kurt senseless anytime soon…he was beginning to realize just how complicated his life was about to get.


	5. Coda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today, my supposedly heterosexual boyfriend dumped me for my best friend and musical arch rival, who is both a boy and his new stepbrother. FML

_Today, my supposedly heterosexual boyfriend dumped me for my best friend and musical arch rival who is both a boy and his new stepbrother. FML_   


* * *

Rachel stood frozen in the open doorway, staring across the lunchroom at Kurt and Finn, sitting together. Even as teammates and new stepbrothers, they had never sat together before, or really interacted much at school outside of Glee Club. But now they were sitting on the same side of the table, Kurt looking up at Finn and laughing at some joke or other. They weren't being obvious, they weren't touching or gazing at each other longingly or bursting into a romantic duet...but she could see the differences. Maybe because she knew.

Today was Friday. Five days since Finn had come to her to tell her that he had to break up with her, and  _why._  Five days and it still didn't seem real, and it hurt to see them together, and it wasn't  _fair._ She couldn't even explain to anyone what had happened, couldn't accidentally out Finn or expose Kurt to the kind of backlash he would undoubtedly get from Finn's football teammates if they found out. Rachel knew people thought she could be selfish and crazy when she didn't get something she wanted, but there were lines even she would not cross. That didn't make it any easier.

Not feeling very hungry after all, Rachel turned and walked out of the lunchroom. For once she was quiet, and fervently hoped that no one would notice her departure.

* * *

Another week went by, then two, then three. It started to get easier, if not less strange, to see Finn and Kurt attached at the hip. If anyone else noticed anything strange about this, they didn't comment. At least, not until the day Finn sang "Sweet Child O' Mine" in Glee Club and looked at Kurt the entire time. Then Puck had a few things to say, amounting-to everyone's surprise including Kurt's-to threatening Finn's bodily integrity if he ever messed around and broke Kurt's heart. Quinn was conspicuously silent, and everyone looked at Rachel, waiting for a reaction.

She stood up slowly, arms wrapped around her front with her hands clutching her elbows, and walked out of the choir room. For the second time in her life, she wished her exist could go unnoticed.

* * *

Quinn found her outside on the bleachers. She sat down beside her, staring out at the field and not saying a word.

Rachel wiped hastily at her face, not wanting anyone to see her cry. She felt like an idiot, because she realized that a small part of her had still been hoping this would all go away. Somewhere, deep down, she had still been convinced that she and Finn were meant to be, and that he would eventually realize that. She wasn't sure what she hated more; the fact that it clearly wasn't the case, or the fact that she was wishing this kind of heartbreak on one of her best friends for the sake of her own happiness.

"So...I guess Finn finally made his choice," Quinn said after Rachel had composed herself. Her voice sounded oddly empty of emotion.

"I suppose he has," Rachel replied, trying not to sound as hurt as she felt.

"Funny...to tell you the truth, I always thought it would be you."

Rachel made a strangled noise at that, staring determinedly down at her hands as she willed her eyes not to shed anymore tears. She felt rather than saw Quinn turn to her.

"I'm sorry about this, Rachel," she said softly. "Finn may have been my boyfriend, but he was your first love. I'm so sorry it didn't work out."

"Really?" Rachel said, trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice. "I thought you'd be pleased." Quinn made a scoffing noise at that.

"You know, I don't hate you," she said softly. "You've actually been a really good friend to me, even when I wasn't very nice to you. You've always been honest with me. I don't actually enjoy seeing you hurt."

Rachel looked up and gave Quinn a watery smile.

"I want to be happy for them," she admitted. "I really do. Kurt hasn't been this happy as long as I've known him, and Finn...Finn's better with Kurt. He's nicer, braver...he's a lot of things I never brought out in him." She looked down at her hands again. Quinn wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and Rachel leaned into the unexpected contact, resting her head on Quinn's shoulder lightly.

"We're the two girls who lost our boyfriend to Kurt Hummel," Quinn mused quietly. "Well, if it had to be a boy at least it was the only boy in the world who's actually as pretty as me."

And for some reason, Rachel found that hilarious. She tried to hold in her snort of laughter, but it came anyway, and before she knew it she and Quinn were holding onto each other, giggling their heads off. It felt good. It felt like a friendship that Rachel was going to want to hold onto.

* * *

_Ten Years Later_

"Kurt! Have you seen my blue tie?"

Kurt stuck his head out of the bathroom and yelled down the hall in the general direction of the bedroom.

"The cadet blue or the cerulean?"

"Dude, I don't know the difference! The bright one!" Kurt sighed, shaking his head. You'd think after this long, Finn would learn the difference.

"It should be hanging on the tie rack in the closet."

"Oh, right. Thanks!"

Kurt smiled to himself a little before going back to putting the finishing touches on his hair in the mirror. Sometimes living with Finn was like having a boyfriend, a teenaged child, and a large pet all at the same time. Not that he would ever express that sentiment; Finn had developed a truly horrifyingly sad puppy face over the years, and the last thing Kurt wanted was to see those brown eyes go big and sad at him. It worked every time, which was frustrating beyond all belief.

"Finn," he called as he turned away from the mirror, "I hope you're almost ready. If we're late Rachel will skin us alive."

"Nah," came Finn's voice from the bedroom, muffled slightly. "She'll probably just shriek at us until we're deaf."

"That is  _much_ worse," Kurt said primly, stepping into their room to inspect Finn's suit. "Oh, honey. Here. Let me."

He stepped up close and reached out to fix Finn's hopelessly crooked tie. Finn grinned sheepishly down at him, and planted a kiss on his nose when he was done by way of thanks. Kurt felt his heart flip over, and it was really utterly unfair that Finn could still do that to him after this long.

"You look nice," he said, almost shyly. Finn grinned from ear to ear, that sunshine grin that made him feel like he'd done something incredibly right.

"Thanks, Kurt," Finn replied. "So do you."

"Well, shall we?" Kurt stepped to the side and offered his arm, and Finn took it with a smile. They walked in perfect step despite the obvious height difference, synced up the way people who spend every day together tend to be. Because since they were sixteen years old, Finn and Kurt had rarely gone a single day without seeing or talking to each other. Through the rest of high school, through colleges in different states, through awkward explanations and even through the occasional falling out-because no one is perfect after all-they had stuck by one another. Every day that painfully uncertain future that Kurt wanted so badly in the beginning became clearer, closer, less uncertain...until here they were, ten years together with no sign of either of them ever letting go. It made his heart ache in the best way possible to think about it. He stopped Finn at the front door, turning to pull him in for a kiss that, though meant to be quick and chaste, lasted several minutes and had both their heads spinning and hearts pounding.

Finn was the first to pull back, staring down at Kurt with a mix of adoration and confusion.

"What was that for?" He asked. Kurt grinned and stepped back to the side, taking him by the arm and leading him out towards the car.

"Oh, just...the last ten years." Finn chuckled beside him.

"Yeah," he said. "Who would've thought we'd make it work?"

"Hmm," Kurt said. "Wonders never cease. Honestly, I don't really think that, after today, you and I making it work is the most surprising thing that's ever happened in our little group of misfits."

"Really?" Finn countered. "Then what is?"

Kurt turned and rolled his eyes at Finn, as if the answer should be obvious.

"Duh, Finn. Rachel and Quinn getting married!"

Finn laughed as they got in the car. He had to agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I mentioned at the start, looking back on this fic I kind of dislike a lot of the choices I made with the characters. I was relatively new to fanfiction and the Glee fandom, and a lot of my impressions of the characters were heavily influenced by fanon as opposed to canon. Which is why Kurt is a delicate blushing flower in this instead of the stubborn, interesting, gorgeous, wonderful, flawed, sexy-as-fuck, confident person that he is in canon. He also says "Gaga" instead of God, and boy do I shudder when I read that. I apologize profusely.
> 
> That being said, I've always enjoyed writing in Finn's head, and I like the stuff I did with his character. At any rate, it is what it is and I don't plan to change it. I like being able to look back and see how I've grown and changed over time as a writer and a person.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as a one-shot a long time ago, when I was more familiar with Glee fanon than Glee canon. As a result, it's full of pretty much everything that has ever annoyed me about Glee fanfiction. But I did write it, and I even finished it, which is rare for me...so I've decided to port it here.


End file.
